When “Success” Felt Wrong: The Heart-Centered Coach’s Guide to Ethical Marketing
It was 8 pm on a Tuesday, and I was about to learn the industry's dirty little secret.
I was a brand new coach sitting at my kitchen island, eyes glued to my laptop, a half-empty cup of coffee beside me. I was on a Zoom call with my business mentor and 10 other new coaches in my cohort.
We would learn how to enroll clients, a topic that wrecked our nerves, so unsurprisingly, everyone showed up.
My mentor was now doing a mock sales call with one of the attendees, demonstrating how to close the sale.
“Are you gonna let just 3,000 dollars stand in the way of you and your dream?”
He leaned closer to the screen. His chest puffed up.
“Other coaches are already using this method to get ahead. Are you willing to stay stuck while they move forward?”
His voice was forceful. His energy is overpowering.
“If you don’t act now, you’ll never have this chance again. How do you like to make payment?”
He smiled, eyes piercing.
I looked at the attendee who was on the other end of the mock call and could feel resistance draining from her body. It was as if she got hypnotized! Truly impressive!
Yet, there was an icky sensation at the pit of my stomach, an uneasy feeling that something wasn’t right. But I wanted to succeed so badly that I ignored it. He was my business mentor; he must have known better than I!
I took copious notes, willing myself to learn by heart every word that came out of my mentor’s mouth.
The rise of self-development has made bro-marketing seem innocuous, even appealing, because it sounds motivational, success-driven, bold, and self-affirming in a “you can unleash your unlimited potential NOW!” kind of way.
But when it was time to do my own enrolment calls with potential clients, I couldn't bring myself to say the script. Like every cell in my body refused to do it.
At first, I thought there was something wrong with me. Do I have a mindset problem? Am I self-sabotaging? Is this a limiting belief? Low money setpoint? Fear of success? Don’t I believe I deserve the client?
But surprisingly, my “softer” way of selling worked. Step by step, I was able to enroll clients into $2,000, $4,000, then $8,000 and even $20,000 private coaching programs. The best thing is: clients return to me time and time again for coaching.
And potential clients who didn’t say yes the first time, came back, sometimes after 6 months to a few years, saying that they were ready to be coached by me.
As time passed, I realized I couldn’t bring myself to follow those sales tactics, not because I had a mindset issue, but because deep down, I knew they were wrong. And I have my highly intuitive, sensitive body to thank for.
Now, as a business coach, I champion and teach a marketing approach that’s authentic, ethical, and heart-centered. Not only because it feels good to implement, but also because it creates long-term, sustainable business success.
The opposite of it is “bro-marketing” - the stuff I was taught when I started my coaching business more than 7 years ago.
“Bro-marketing” became prevalent over the last decade. It’s a marketing approach that uses aggressive, high-pressure sales tactics, scarcity-driven messaging, over-the-stop testimonials while promising massive results overnight.
Bro-marketing overpowers and manipulates potential customers into purchasing, regardless of whether this decision is right for them.
Sounds terrible, right?
But you’d be surprised to know how prevalent it still is today, especially in online coaching, entrepreneurship and self-development.
Most people who use and teach this approach aren’t necessarily bad people. Many actually believe they’re doing the right thing.
The rise of self-development has made bro-marketing seem innocuous, even appealing, because it sounds motivational, success-driven, bold, and self-affirming in a “you can unleash your unlimited potential NOW!” kind of way.
In a society obsessed with speed and “the hustle”, bro-marketing appeals to our thirst for quick success no matter the cost.
Growing up never feeling I was enough, I wanted to believe in the “6-figure in 6 month” promise. I imagined once I got there, I’d prove my worth. And the sinking blackhole of inadequacy in my chest would finally go away.
Bro-marketing preyed on that insecurity, made me both its consumer and, for a time, its unwitting propagator.
However, to be a coach is to be in the industry of transforming people’s lives. We can’t tolerate any business practice that takes away the agency and power from our community.
Every touchpoint someone in your community has with you, be it reading your content, getting private coaching, or sitting in an enrolment conversation, is meant to expand them. And never, ever make them feel small.
Here are 9 ways to “bro-proof” your marketing, creating an authentic, ethical, heart-centered approach that both feels good to you and fuels your business’s long-term growth:
1/ Create a Choice-Based Enrollment Journey:
Forget the elaborate sales funnels that trap potential clients. Instead, imagine an enrollment journey where your clients feel respected and in control at every step. Be transparent about your sales process. For example, let your email subscribers know in advance that they'll receive an invitation to join a program and have the option to opt out of the email sequences. In workshops or retreats, clearly communicate if there will be a dedicated portion for sharing an offer, allowing participants to choose whether or not to engage. To give people a choice is to give them power. And empowered people can discern best when an opportunity is right for them.
2/ Send Out Courageous Invitations:
As a heart-centered coach, it can feel vulnerable to put yourself out there and make offers. But remember, the world needs your genius! Step into your courage and extend invitations from a place of deep service without holding back. Be authentic and transparent about why your offering can make a difference in your potential clients' lives. Clearly articulate who it's for, who it's not for, and invite them to learn more. This is vastly different from the fear-mongering and guilt-tripping tactics often used in bro-marketing, which aim to pressure people into buying out of fear of missing out or falling behind. Instead, stand in your truth and share your offerings with the world.
3/ Be Transparent About Your Capacity:
Scarcity is often misused in the online business space. Bro-marketers frequently use fake scarcity tactics, claiming limited spots or deadlines that aren't real. As a coach, you have a real limitation on how many clients you can effectively serve. Know your capacity and be upfront about it. Share how many clients you can work with at any given time and how many spots are actually available.
4/ Offer Spacious Time for Decision-Making:
Bro-marketing's favorite sales tactic is to “assume the sales” - bypassing then potential clients need to think for themselves. This can lead to regret and even jeopardize the client’s well-being. Especially for high-ticket offerings, it's important to offer potential clients time and space. Avoid using false urgency or limited-time offers to create a sense of panic and manipulate their decision. Instead, provide a generous time window – 2 days to a week or more, depending on your enrolment schedule– for them to reflect, ask questions, and discern if your offering is the right fit. This allows them to make a confident decision that aligns with their needs and resources.
5/ Get Clear on Your Refund and Cancellation Policy:
While not always mandatory, having a well-defined refund and cancellation policy shows your professionalism and protects both you and your clients. Clearly outline the timeframe for requesting a refund, the process for cancellation, and any associated conditions. This transparency can prevent misunderstandings and ensure a smooth experience for everyone involved.
Marketing doesn’t have to be a battlefield.
It can be a garden where you sow seeds of trust, tend to the soil of genuine connection, watch authentic relationships bloom, and aligned enrolments bear fruits.
6/ Provide Nuanced Testimonials:
Testimonials are powerful social proof, but they can be misleading if they only showcase the highlight reel. Instead of cherry-picking only the most glowing reviews, offer a range of testimonials that reflect the diverse experiences of your clients. Include testimonials that speak to the challenges, the internal shifts, and the different dimensions of success they've achieved. For example, share testimonials from clients who started at different points in their journey or who took varying amounts of time to achieve their goals. This provides a more realistic and relatable picture of what's possible, helping potential clients make informed decisions and avoid unrealistic expectations.
7/ Set Clear Expectations About Time and Energy Required:
Bro-marketing thrives on overpromising, creating unrealistic expectations of overnight success and effortless transformations. As a heart-centered coach, be upfront about the commitment involved in achieving lasting results. Clearly communicate the time and energy investment required to implement your teachings and achieve their desired outcomes. Consider offering different timelines or roadmaps to achieve results based on individual circumstances, acknowledging that everyone's journey unfolds at its own pace.
8/ Honor the Timing of Potential Clients:
In the world of bro-marketing, there's a big pressure to close the sale now or never. But building a thriving coaching business is about creating genuine relationships, not chasing quick transactions. Respect the timing of your potential clients. Not everyone who expresses interest is ready to commit right away, and that's okay. Nurture the connection, stay in touch, and trust that they'll be ready to work with you when the time is right.
9/ Hold Space for Burden-Free Decision-Making:
Be mindful of the relational dynamics at play, especially in spaces where women are your primary audience. Women often prioritize relationships and can feel obligated to say "yes" even when it's not truly aligned with their needs. Create a safe space for burden-free decision-making by explicitly reassuring potential clients that you hold them in positive regard whether or not they choose to join you. Let them know that you won't be disappointed or upset if they decide not to work with you at this time. This allows them to make a truly empowered decision without fear of hurting your feelings or the relationship.
Marketing doesn’t have to be a battlefield.
It can be a garden where you sow seeds of trust, tend to the soil of genuine connection, watch authentic relationships bloom, and aligned enrolments bear fruits.
Heart-centered marketing is about creating a space where both you and your clients can thrive. It's about empowering your community to make choices that align with their highest good.
As you weave these 9 principles into your marketing, remember: your marketing is an extension of your service. Every word you speak, every story you share, and every offer you make holds the power to lift someone higher, to honor their journey, and to remind them of their inherent worth.
This is how we create a legacy that lasts – not just in our bank accounts, but in the lives we touch and the world we shape. This is how we build a business that truly matters.
Milena xo
PS: ENROL HEART-CENTERED CLIENTS ETHICALLY WITH EASE
Enrolling your first client can be overwhelming, and many coaches tell you to close sales within the exact time frame.
I’m here to tell you that enrolling your first client doesn’t have to be stressful.
You can definitely enroll your first heart-centered client with ease and less stress, so that you both can achieve your purposeful work, while creating an impact within your community and your client’s life.
I’ve created this insightful step-by-step 7-Part Enrolment Session Success Blueprint to help you carry out a heartfelt sales conversation that ends with your clients asking “When can we start?”
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I help YOU get paid to change the world.
Hey, fellow purpose-driven human!
I’m Milena. When I was 24, I said no to corporate job offers to “do my own thing.”
9 years, some major fumbles, 3 TEDx Talks, 1 published book, 50,000 followers, and hundreds of clients (from 15+ countries) later…
I make a multi-six-figure living as a coach while spending most of my time walking barefoot in my apartment. #introvertgoal
I know you want to make a difference.
I’m here to help you turn that calling into a financially sustainable coaching business — while staying away from the hustle, and skipping the pitfalls that trip up most new coaches.
Quit your 9-to-5. Move to a paradise island. Slow yoga every morning. Work from sunlit cafes. Make time for loved ones (including yourself). Grow your influence. Wake up excited about your day. And serve only the clients who light you up…
All of that (and more!) is possible, once you have the right support.
Let me help you shine.
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