Why “Fake It Till You Make It” Is a Bad Advice (And What to Do Instead)
What’s the worst advice you’ve ever received?
For me, it’s “Fake it till you make it.”
First of all, “make it” where?
And second of all, why do we need to fake it?
What’s so shameful about ourselves or our experience that must be concealed?
When I was working as a top-level executive in a global NGO, the first Vietnamese to hold this position, I remember “faking it till I made it” every day—at work, in meetings, and even during conversations with colleagues in the pantry.
I told myself to be strong, to put on a confident front, and not let anyone know I was struggling.
But that didn’t help me “make it.” Instead, I was overloaded by the stress of trying to keep my perfect image from breaking. I was depressed. But worst, I was alone. I didn’t let anyone in. I feared they’d discover I was a certified hot mess and run away.
When I became a coach 8 years ago, I felt the impulse to once again “fake it until you make it.” (Every coach was doing that anyway - look at their Instagram!)
But I’ve discovered a healthier way to feel confident, connected, and successful in this journey:
Reclaim your authentic confidence.
Authentic confidence isn’t the type of confidence you can fake till you make it.
Not the kind of confidence of standing on stage, banging your chest and shouting at the crowd (like the one you see in personal development seminars!)
Authentic confidence is the calm, relaxed feeling that comes through deeply embracing the full spectrum of your humanness..
When you proudly know your worth, values, and genius - AND hold space for your struggles and insecurities with compassion.
Here are 3 ways to cultivate authentic confidence as a new or aspiring coach:
Entrepreneurship is spiritual training on steroids.
The challenges we naturally face in this path will bring up different “dirt layers” from within: procrastination, insecurity, money wounds, fear of visibility, unhealthy relationship with work… you name it!
And that’s good! It means you have many opportunities to see them and—with the right support—let them go.
1.
💡Own your genius
Acknowledge your lived experience, success, “Hell and Back” journey.
You’ve lived through - excuse my language - much shit in life. And thanks to that, you have the wisdom to help clients going through the same.
New coaches often come from a place of lack. They feel insecure, and then they look outside to compensate, like getting certifications or buying courses.
However, the place we need to turn to first is within: your rich inner resources, your lived experiences.
Think about yourself 3-5 years, or even just 1-2 years ago. How would your life change if you knew what you know now?
People who are going through what you went through are in dire need of your support.
Clients don't choose the best coach out there; they choose the coach they feel safe with.
Your authentic lived experience is one element that can help them feel at ease and safe enough to open up about the struggles they've been trying to hide.
The best coach training school is not out there. It’s YOUR LIFE.
You have so much to offer right now. You’re already enough.
2.
💙Remember who you are
Imagine a diamond covered by layers of dirt. You’re the diamond.
The layers of dirt are your fears, limiting beliefs, trauma response, coping mechanisms, childhood wounds, and emotional wounds.
But you’re not these layers. You’re not your fears, limiting beliefs, or trauma.
You are the diamond at the core. When you release the dirt layers one by one, you begin to shine.
It’s just what happens; you don’t need to try - and definitely don’t need to fake.
And you know what’s the best thing?
Entrepreneurship is spiritual training on steroids.
The challenges we naturally face in this path will bring up different “dirt layers” from within: procrastination, insecurity, money wounds, fear of visibility, unhealthy relationship with work… you name it!
And that’s good! It means you have many opportunities to see them and—with the right support—let them go.
The more you let go of the “dirt,” the more you'll feel like YOU—the diamond at the core.
You don’t have to fake. You just need to remember who you are.
That's when you show up authentically and become a magnet to your soulmate clients.
3.
🏋🏼♂️ Build the muscle to do things afraid
You can get coaching to remove the “dirt layers” and shine your light authentically.
However, you don’t have to be a “perfect diamond” to take action.
Doubts, fears, and imposter syndrome are also good because these are the signs that you are out of your comfort zone.
It’s normal to feel fears and resistance when doing something so meaningful to your life and the lives of others.
Many coaches make the mistake of doing so much healing without taking any action to build their coaching business.
Being a good coach is very, very different from building a coaching business.
If you don’t know the business side of things—like finding your niche, packaging your service, enroling soulmate clients, pricing your offerings, and attracting customers… you can’t financially sustain yourself as a coach. And thus won’t make a difference at the highest level.
Find a supportive community of coaches who share the same values so you don’t feel alone in this journey. Get an accountability partner who encourages you to take action on creating a financially viable business. (Yes, money is important.)
The more you get out of your mind and get into action, the more confident you'll become.
You’re more ready than you think.
xo,
Milena.
Clients don't choose the best coach out there; they choose the coach they feel safe with.
Your authentic lived experience is one element that can help them feel at ease and safe enough to open up about the struggles they've been trying to hide.
P.S. If you want quality support to kickstart a thriving coaching business, here’s a good new.
I’m hosting a 3-day business training experience called Coaching Business Jumpstart on May 10-12, where you’ll learn how to:
Manifest your dream coaching business (and dream life!) with clarity and alignment
Define your coaching expertise that you feel most confident in supporting your clients to transform their lives.
Go from zero to your first paid client (and many more clients after that!) with my step-by-step proven launch framework.
Reclaim your authentic confidence and soft launch your coaching business with my support and the support of heart-centered coaches worldwide.
Get coached directly by me for 3 days.
Receive feedback and constant support from me and my team in our private community channel (not Facebook!)
After 3 days, you can truly kick-start your coaching business with authentic confidence, strategies, and motivation to continue the journey of building a thriving coaching business.
Coaching Business Jumpstart will open for registration on Wednesday, April 24th. Seats are limited and will sell out quickly.
Get ready to join us!
sharing is caring
I help YOU get paid to change the world.
Hey, fellow purpose-driven human!
I’m Milena. When I was 24, I said no to corporate job offers to “do my own thing.”
9 years, some major fumbles, 3 TEDx Talks, 1 published book, 50,000 followers, and hundreds of clients (from 15+ countries) later…
I make a multi-six-figure living as a coach while spending most of my time walking barefoot in my apartment. #introvertgoal
I know you want to make a difference.
I’m here to help you turn that calling into a financially sustainable coaching business — while staying away from the hustle, and skipping the pitfalls that trip up most new coaches.
Quit your 9-to-5. Move to a paradise island. Slow yoga every morning. Work from sunlit cafes. Make time for loved ones (including yourself). Grow your influence. Wake up excited about your day. And serve only the clients who light you up…
All of that (and more!) is possible, once you have the right support.
Let me help you shine.
The 3 ways to cultivate authentic confidence as a new or aspiring coach